A Healthy Alternative to Work

As a follow up to the story I did on the Sgt. 1st Class Price court martial, I'm trying to put a piece together on recruiting and what's happened to it in light of the war in Iraq.

Testimony given during the case by other drill sergeants pointed to falling recruiting standards and "bottom-of-the-barrel" recruits. This stands to reason: there's a war on, and much of the coverage on the war is about soldier deaths. It's pretty common-sense that recruiting levels are going to drop when there's more news about soldiers dying and serving extended tours in combat zones than about soldiers earning college degrees and getting marketable job skills.

So recruiters are going to have problems meeting their goals, especially when defense officials are talking about expanding the size of the Army by two divisions. The sensible conclusion is that corners are going to get cut, and the recruits showing up at basic training are going to be less educated and less qualified than what trainers have been used to dealing with in the past.

The real trick here is to find people who are actually willing to speak candidly about the issue. It's nearly impossible to find someone in any corporation to discuss problems with that corporation, particularly the Army. And even if they are disgruntled enough to want to talk, they'll want to give you information "off the record" or on the condition of "deep background."

We'll see how it all pans out. I've got two leads so far, and I'm curious to see where they'll take me.

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Paying homage to the Mudville Gazette's latest Open Post.

Check out BroRizzo to find the answer to the ages-old Toilet-Seat debate.

That's why we keep this guy around.

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Reinforcing my already-held notion that to most of America, current affairs are just another reality show, we have this from Matt Drudge:

The White House learned a painful media lesson Thursday: Do not launch a press conference on the first night of May Sweeps!

CBS, NBC and FOX cut off President Bush, mid-sentence, in several time zones, after sacrificing one hour of prime.

The president was left standing on the stage as NBC rushed to Donald Trump, FOX to Paris Hilton and CBS to SURVIVOR: PALAU.

The president is giving a press conference, and these days it's more important that we see "The Simple Life" than what's going to be happening to our country's policy.

Words fail me. This country is disgusting.

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I haven't sold this one to Big Brother yet, but here's what I'm planning on running in next week's Turret for the sports column.

Sports Commentary: My list of grievances

By SPC. IAN BOUDREAU
Turret Sports Editor

A time-honored element of stand-up comedy - and editorial columns - has been the "list of grievances," where the comic or columnist rattles off a list of things that really bother him.

George Carlin once said that he didn't have pet peeves; he had "psychotic hatreds."

Well, I figure it's my turn this week. Some of these need a little explanation, and others speak for themselves.

n ESPN has just signed a deal with the U.S. Military Academy, and for the next five years will broadcast every football game the West Point Black Knights will play at home, according to the Associated Press College Football newswire. The report claims the televised games will be available free of charge to service members around the world.

I suppose the reasoning here is for ESPN to show its support for the troops by creating some sort of morale-boosting program for those deployed. Too bad it won't work, huh?

Over the past four seasons, Army has been 6-41. Its best season in that period was 2001, when its record was 3-8.

I don't want to put down our Army's future officers, but some still, small voice inside me says that watching the Black Knights lose over and over again on national television isn't going to do a whole lot for troop morale - unless the troops are cheering for Army to lose. I mean, West Point turns out officers, not PFCs and E-5s. What are the odds that the grunts will cheer for the officers-to-be?

Call it a hunch.

n Chris Berman's ties.

n The new microphones they use on Fox sportscasts. Even though the rest of the broadcast media is content to wear the inconspicuous lavaliere microphones that clip to a tie, sportscasters have always insisted on wearing NASA mission control-style headsets.

Apparently, the "new thing" is to use microphones that emerge from the back of Howie Long's head and are color-coordinated to match his skin tone. Fans, I suppose, aren't supposed to notice a round bulb stuck to the side of someone's face. As if this wasn't dumb enough, they only have two colors - Sharpie-marker black and some form of yellow that could only be called "jaundice."

Come on, guys. Either you want us to see the microphone or you don't.

n Jimmy Fallon and Drew Barrymore running onto the field when the Red Sox won the World Series, just for a scene in "Fever Pitch." If I never see either of those two in another movie again, it'll be too soon.

n Sean May and the Tar Heel exodus. Yes, I understand why a key national champion player like May would accept a bid for the NBA draft, but it's a bit galling after what he originally said. I believe it was something like, "I'm going to be coming back next year and I'm going to bring all these guys with me."

I think AC/DC said it best: "Come on, come on, listen to the money talk."

n Bobblehead dolls. I saw Ben Roethlisberger's bobblehead at Louisville Slugger Stadium last week, and it looked as if they had just inflated the head of a G.I. Joe action figure and stuck it on a Steelers uniform.

And why do they all have that weird Enzyte "Smiling Bob" grin on their faces?
Turret staffer Sgt. Christopher Fincham has a Barry Bonds bobblehead posed in mid-swing, and he looks as if he was just told that he was going to save a bunch of money on car insurance.

n Speaking of insurance, what was up with Mark McGwire's tie and Alan Greenspan half-glasses get-up during the congressional panel's hearing on steroids? I was waiting for him to say, "I don't want to talk about the past, Congressman, but have you ever considered purchasing a meteor protection policy?"

n This last one isn't sports related, but it really bothers me to see Confederate flags being flown in Kentucky. I'm a little rusty, but wasn't Abe Lincoln born up the road from here? The history books I read had Kentucky down among the Union states - Sherman's troops occupied Louisville and the surrounding area almost immediately after Fort Sumter was fired upon.

Confederate sympathizers today are like Chicago Cubs fans - still backing a loser.

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UPDATE: Check out "Who Should You Vote For?" on the Mudville Gazette.

I have been behind on commenting on the election of Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger as the new pope, Benedict the XVI, and I refrained because I didn’t think I was appraised of enough of the facts of his expressed ideology and what he would mean for the Catholic Church.

However, after reading some of the petulant and ignorant sniping that has come as a direct result of his election, I thought I should probably get a couple thoughts down about the new pontiff.

From the press, the usual line is that the world’s Catholics expected a more "progressive" leader who would "bridge the gap" between the Church and young people.

Some feel, it seems, that they have been let down by the fact that "God’s Rottweiler," as he has been named in the press, will probably do nothing to reshape the teachings of the Church in order to make it more accepting of homosexuality, ordination of women as priests, contraception, and other issues that American Catholics, at least, have generally ignored the Vatican about for decades.

"Disappointed" is the word I’ve found used most often, between USA Today and the Associated Press.

Anyone "disappointed" with the selection of a pope who is known as a hard-line defender of traditional Catholic doctrine has been fooling themselves into thinking the Catholic Church is something other than it what it is.

Why change an established religion? Why is there so much outcry for the Church to change the rules?

Here's why - because as society's standards move, people find themselves with socially-acceptable behaviors that are still condemned by the Church. Premarital sex, contraception, homosexuality, and the whole lot are all things that most westerners have come to accept. "We've changed," the agitators say, "so the Church should change, too."

It's essentially an effort to retain membership in an organization whose contract they've been in breach of. I suppose it's some sort of populist idea, or something. But let's be frank. The Church has been around for about 2,000 years, and if you want to be a member, you have to follow the rules it sets. There is no "collective guilt equals innocence" when it comes to religion.

In the meantime, I'm excited to see what Benedict XVI has in store. The Catholic Church in America is due for a bitch-slap, and I think the former Cardinal Ratzinger is just the guy to administer it.

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More on the drill sergeant abuse case. Apparently, drill sergeants at the trial made "intimidating gestures" toward the privates who took the stand. Developing.

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One of the really remarkable pieces of fallout from the Price court-martial has been the reaction by the public. In general, sympathies have been divided almost evenly along military/civilian lines - most soldiers I’ve spoken with have, when appraised with the facts of the case, sided with the former drill sergeant, while most civilians have aligned themselves with the recruits who have alleged abuse.

Going into the courtroom, I had a rather strong preconceived idea of what I was going to see. I don’t care much for drill sergeants, since they scared the bejeezus out of me during Basic at Fort Benning nearly three years ago. Even though they now have no reason to screw with me, I still instinctively avoid anyone wearing the unmistakable brown campaign "smokey" hat.

After having read the charges, I figured I was about to see a sadistic bastard get his comeuppance. But it didn’t take long for me to see the other side. The pre-trial agreement discarded the vast majority of the Article 92 specifications, and while the defendant pleaded guilty to three, the major remaining charge - obstruction of justice, which Price was eventually convicted of under Article 134 - seemed to be made on rather unstable ground.

Furthermore, the testimony given by the recruits wasn’t nearly as damning as the charge sheet sounded. Few could say with any kind of legal certainty who had placed one of them in a choke-hold during the M-16 field-stripping class, and most made statements under oath in the courtroom that directly contradicted sworn statements made to the Criminal Investigation Division immediately after the incidents.

So when it came time to write the story, I tried to reflect these serious flaws in the prosecution’s case as prominently as the convictions. My civilian counterparts, however, notably the Army Times writer, painted a significantly different picture.

I think a lot of people, including myself, have gotten a lot of their ideas about the military from movies, and why not? There are certainly lots of them, and they demonstrate a pretty wide range of aspects of military life. Naturally, the one that came to my head immediately during the trial was A Few Good Men.

Before joining the Army, I thought of Jack Nicholson’s Col. Nathan Jessup as a certifiable monster who had ordered the fatal beating of one of the Marines under his command. I couldn’t understand why or how that could happen, other than out of brute savagery.

It was a long time before I saw the movie again, and it happened that I was in Korea when I finally did. I was amazed, by the end of the film, how much more Nicholson’s famous monologue resonated with my understanding of the military after spending barely two years in the Army.

What Nicholson's character was indignantly ranting about made sense to me all of a sudden.

One of the crucial questions that arose for me, both from A Few Good Men and the Price trial, was "How can you apply legal standards to a situation that is clearly outside the realm of normal citizen life?" This holds true for what the Marines were doing at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, and what was going on at Echo Company, 1^st Battalion, 81^st Armor Regiment here at Fort Knox.

What happens in Basic Training? It’s not simply a period of instruction, because if that was the case, we could take it by correspondence and save the Department of Defense a whole lot of money. It’s not just hands-on instruction, because if it were, it would take much less than nine weeks.

You can see what is supposed to happen in Basic by looking at what goes in and what comes out. The idea is to turn a regular civilian, who has certain expectations about what he or she is likely to encounter in a regular workday, into a soldier, who has, or should have, very different expectations about the very same thing. To wit, a soldier, in many cases, can reasonably be put into a situation where he or she can fully expect to have to either kill someone else or be killed by someone else.

Furthermore, a soldier is expected to follow orders from superiors without question, which in some cases leads directly to the latter situation mentioned above.

That being the case, it seems clear that what Basic Training is most importantly is an indoctrination process, a means by which certain natural, inborn expectations and reactions are removed and replaced with other ones.

So it’s to be expected that a certain amount of "shock therapy" is required in the process. Certainly, there are lines that should not be crossed in terms of abuse and maltreatment, but on the other hand, a certain amount of abuse and maltreatment is part and parcel with enlistment.

I’ve gone on for a long time with this already, and I've barely scratched the surface on this issue. That’s why this should be a book, not a blog. There are so many different angles to this discussion that I don’t want to do any of them injustice by simply spouting off about them. But I think I can at least nail down some core issues.

On a personal note, however, I think that if you haven’t had the mortal shit scared out of you in Basic Training, then you’ve been done a significant disservice.

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Something big is on the horizon. A book, I’m thinking. I’ve gone and gotten very drunk, so typing these words is harder than usual. I’d estimate that my words-per-minute rate has gone down 68 percent, just based on my own slowness, with additional factors added for the shit I have to correct.

But the news is, I’m very excited to have covered the trial, which I’ll link to later, and I think – I think – it may represent a turning point in my career as a journalist... if not for what it means to the world, then for what it’s done for me.

I need to write a book. It’s not because "I’ve survived" or because "I’m an insider," really... it’s because something has changed, and I think I know what it is. We’ll see.

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Here's the story I wrote on the drill sergeant accused of trainee maltreatment:

Knox drill sergeant
pleads guilty to charges

By SPC. IAN BOUDREAU
Turret Staff Writer

A Fort Knox drill sergeant was convicted of multiple specifications of maltreatment of subordinates and one charge of obstruction of justice by a special court-martial held Monday on post at Pike Hall.

Sgt. 1^st Class David Price, formerly the senior drill sergeant of Company E, 1^st Battalion, 81^st Armor Regiment, 1^st Armor Training Brigade, pleaded guilty to charges of making a trainee drink water until he vomited, then making the Soldier swallow his own vomit; maltreating a Soldier by striking him on the head with a rolled-up newspaper; and dragging a Soldier down a hallway by his ankles. The offenses, which are considered violations of the Uniform Code of Military Justice, Article 92, occurred between Feb. 3 - 8 in the Company E barracks and day room.

Price was additionally found guilty of obstruction of justice, punishable under UCMJ Article 134, by the court-martial, presided over by Lt. Col. Richard Anderson, the military judge for the court-martial. Anderson sentenced Price to a reduction in grade from E-7 to E-6, but Price will not serve any jail time.

As part of a pre-trial agreement with the prosecution, Price opted to have his court-martial held in front of a judge alone, waiving his right to have a military panel of jurists present.

Representing the United States government in the case, the prosecution recommended a sentence of 210 days confinement, forfeiture of two-thirds pay and allowances for each of 12 months, a reduction in grade to E-1, and a bad-conduct discharge.

However, Price’s Army defense attorney, Capt. Patrick Johnson, recommended a much lighter punishment for the drill sergeant.

"In my opinion, this could have been handled with an Article 15," Johnson told the court.

Several Soldiers who claimed to have suffered abuse at the hands of Price and his subordinate drill sergeants testified for the prosecution, but in some cases contradicted sworn statements they had made to Criminal Investigation Division personnel who investigated the charges after Feb. 8.

One specification under Article 92 charged Price with maltreating a Soldier, Pvt. Steven Pursley, by placing him in a choke-hold when he fell asleep during and M-16 field-stripping class in the company day room.

Pursley admitted he only accused Price of the incident after the fact, and that he didn’t actually see who had put an arm around his neck.

"I heard (who it was) from the other trainees after it happened," he testified.

Price pleaded guilty to dragging Pursley down a hallway by his ankles.

"It made me feel embarrassed," Pursley said.

Price also admitted to charges of making a trainee, Pvt. Christopher Rodriguez, drink water until he became sick, and then forcing him to swallow his own vomit. The incident occurred on Feb. 3, the day the Soldiers arrived at Company E.

"I was embarrassed," Rodriguez said. "I felt degraded that I had to go through that in front of my roommates."

Price admitted that he had abused his authority as a drill sergeant by making Rodriguez swallow his own vomit.

"I’m sure he felt embarrassed and humiliated by it," he said.

Pvt. Adam Roster testified that Price had struck him on the head with a rolled-up newspaper while he was standing at parade rest in the drill sergeants’ office.

Price testified that he had "tapped" Roster with the paper when his head and eyes or hands moved while he was at the position of parade rest.

Roster said it made him feel "upset and angry."

"You didn’t expect basic training to be easy, did you?" Johnson asked him on cross-examination.

"No, sir," Roster answered, and admitted that he was "not severely" hurt by being struck with the newspaper.

All the Soldiers in Company E were immediately transferred to Company A after the incident was reported.

‘What happens in Echo Company stays in Echo Company’

Company E Soldiers testified that on Feb. 8, rumors had begun to circulate among the company drill sergeants that abuse had been reported by one of the trainees, and Price immediately held a class on the Army Value of loyalty.

"We were told by the drill sergeants that people were coming around to ask questions," Pvt. Nicholas Wasser testified.

During the class, Price told the Soldiers, "You need to stay loyal to Echo Company," Wasser said.

"He said, ‘Whatever happens in Echo Company stays in Echo Company,’ " Pvt. Jason Steenberger testified.

Johnson argued that the phrase didn’t necessarily constitute an attempt to obstruct an impending investigation, but rather reinforced the idea that issues should be kept at the lowest possible level of command.

But prosecuting attorney Capt. Joseph Krill disagreed.

"That statement was not made for honorable purposes, your honor," he said. "He made that statement to keep the trainees quiet. He did this because he had reason to believe ... that there would be an investigation (and) he was involved in the abuse."

Drill sergeants’ jobs made harder

Several of Price’s peers in the 1^st Brigade testified that drill sergeants were "losing training tools" they have traditionally counted on to establish authority and better control troops.

According to testimony, 1^st ATB Commander Col. James Greer had sent word to battalion commanders that drill sergeants were no longer allowed to use physical exercise as "corrective training."

Staff Sgt. Jason Harris, a drill sergeant under Price’s command in Company E, said that Greer had taken away a "legitimate training tool," as outlined by Training and Doctrine Command regulations.

"The guidance (from the chain of command) was to ‘be creative,’ " Harris said. "You get tired of dealing with the same situation every time... and this guidance that came down from the chain of command contributed to that."

Sgt. 1^st Class Cesar Rodarte, a drill sergeant in Company A, agreed.

"(It) took away the drill sergeants’ power of corrective training," he said.

Following the trial, Greer said he had instituted a program called Victory Trace for drill sergeants to use.

"Victory Trace is a set of eight team training events that can be used as corrective action," he explained. "Those training events have tasks, conditions, standards, and a risk assessment."

Greer said Victory Trace has been so successful that it was adopted across TRADOC and added to the Basic Combat Training regimen.

However, Harris and other drill sergeants also testified that their jobs were made more difficult by "bottom of the barrel" recruits.

"You just don’t get the quality Soldiers anymore," Harris said. "We had one kid who came to us and told us he was bipolar."

"I believe that standards have been ignored," Rodarte said. "We have two privates that have a hard time comprehending reading and writing... I’ve never encountered Soldiers like that before."

However, the Army Recruiting Command insists that enlistment standards have not changed.

"Our recruiting standards have not been lowered," said Julia Bobick, a public affairs specialist for USAREC. "Our recruiters are looking for people to enlist that they would want to serve with.

"The recruiting environment out there is certainly challenging, but we’re not compromising quality to fill seats."

Final decision

In an unsworn statement made after the defense and prosecution had rested, Price said that he was "tired and burned out from being on the trail too long."

"Everything in (Basic Combat Training) looks abusive," he said, "but it’s only designed to make a Soldier aware of his full potential."

Johnson made reference to one of Price’s Noncommissioned Officer Evaluation Reports submitted to the court as evidence.

"I believe a bullet in there reads, ‘unquestionable devotion to subordinates,’ " Johnson said, asking if the court wanted to take away everything Price had worked for "just because he was mean to some privates."

The prosecution also pointed to Price’s long service record.

"He was a senior drill sergeant," Krill argued. "He knows right from wrong. He knew what he was doing was wrong."

Anderson sentenced Price to demotion to the rank of staff sergeant, but did not assess any imprisonment or fines.

Price and Johnson appeared relieved at the verdict.

"We were satisfied with the court’s decision," Johnson said afterward.

Price’s sentence will be reviewed by the court-martial convening authority, Maj. Gen. Terry Tucker.

Three other drill sergeants are awaiting trial and the commander of Company E will appear before an Article 32 hearing.

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Here's the Louisville Courier-Journal's version.

And here's the Associated Press' version.

Here's Army Times' take on the story.

UPDATE: Tblogger Recon reminded me of the fact that all through the trial, I was thinking of Jack Nicholson in the film "A Few Good Men." Here's that famous monologue:

"Son, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Whose gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Weinburg?

I have more responsibility here than you could possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago, and you curse the marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That Santiago's death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And that my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives.

I know deep down in places you dont talk about at parties, you don't want me on that wall, you need me on that wall. We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline.

I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide, then question the manner in which I provide it. I prefer you said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon, and stand to post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to!"

Courtesy of Fiftiesweb.

UPDATE II: Here's a link to the latest Mudville Gazette Open Post.
UPDATE III: Maybe this is the Mudville trackback. I'm not really sure how this all works.

I've been a rotten blogger lately, but I have a good excuse. I've been following a couple rather serious A-section stories this past week: One, a piece on a sharp spike in the number of DUI arrests on post, and two, the trial of the first drill sergeant accused of maltreatment of subordinates.

The first I wrapped up last week, but our PAO felt that it needed more "command messages" in it about the seriousness of DUI - I had treated it as a straight news story about the increase in arrests, but she wanted more feature material in it.

The second I spent Monday covering, sitting it a hot court-martial listening to testimony from several recruits with reporters from the Associated Press, Army Times, the Louisville Courier-Journal, and the Elizabethtown News-Enterprise.

Tomorrow, that story - almost all 1,400 words of it - will hit the stands in this week's Turret, and I'm pretty surprised that it all ran. I'll post links as soon as they're available.

Last night, I came home without a sports commentary, since my thoughts Tuesday had been completely wrapped up with layout and the trial story. I managed to hammer one out, and I'll post that once it appears online.

We stopped by Barnes and Nobles today, and Larry, my editor-in-chief, handed me a copy of the new book, On Bullshit, by Harry G. Frankfort. It's a little scholarly essay on the titular subject, and I'm already impressed.

Thanks for reading, I'll have more up as soon as it's available.

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Charles, the Prince of Wales, married the Duchess of Cornwall, the former Camilla Parker-Bowles yesterday.

I have yet to meet a single person who cares. And yet, wire reports of the wedding plans, the nuptials, and the embarkment on the honeymoon continue to flood news services. Why? This is almost enough to make me rethink my populist media theory, which says that if there’s sex, violence, or other material people don’t like being shown in the media, it’s only because there are idiots who will watch it.

Apparently, there are enough people around who actually are interested. I asked someone, "So, will this have any effect on England as a nation? Will it mean there are going to be changes to her foreign policy or global posture?" The answer is no, because the "royal family" doesn’t seem to do... anything. Well, that is, anything other than marry women who look like meaty Clint Eastwoods in wigs.

There's some kind of royal fascination over across the pond, and I have yet to figure out what the deal is. I suppose it's something like the Kennedy-worship we've had over here, except multiplied by a couple orders of ten.

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Well, folks. I really didn't think I knew what I was doing when I took this post as Sports Editor, but this past week, I found out that I won second place in the yearly Landmark Community Newspapers, Inc. competition for Sports Commentary. They cited comments I made about the Olympics and Terell Owens, and used the term, "turn of phrase," which made me happy.

In that spirit, here's this week's Sports Commentary:

Baseball steroids bust is a sham
By Spc. Ian Boudreau
Turret Sports Editor
ian.boudreau@knox.army.mil

It was opening day for Major League Baseball, and what better way to start the season than with the ages-old grudge match of the New York Yankees versus the Boston Red Sox.

But the big news was that "baseball's first cheater" has been caught: Tampa Bay center fielder Alex Sanchez, busted for steroid use and slapped with a 10-day suspension.

MLB big-wigs were quick to point to the announcement as an indication that Bud Selig's "Miracle Steroid Cleansing System" works, and that we're well on the way to drug-free baseball.

Does the timing seem slightly suspicious to anyone else? MLB got the results of the steroid test 27 days before opening day, but Selig claimed that the extra time was needed to reconfirm the results. And the word came down just in time to announce the "sting" before the opening pitch of the Yankees-Red Sox game.

Maybe I'm a conspiracy theorist, but I think even Jimmy Fallon could see that all the league has done is find a whipping boy to use as a public demonstration, without having to actually threaten any franchises or established players.

Sanchez, who's been playing in the majors for a less-than-illustrious four years, can sit out 10 days without having any impact at all on the Devil Rays' ticket sales.

So here's what's happened. Bud Selig has his token cheater, and he waited until he could get maximum impact from announcing Sanchez' suspension. The message is: baseball will be fine, don't worry, we've got the problem under control.

It's interesting to note that at the same time MLB is puffing its collective chest over a successful steroid witch hunt, the minor leagues have busted 38 players, and given each of them a de facto 15 game suspension.

Of course, this could just mean that steroids are a much, much bigger problem for the minor leagues. But I doubt it.

I guess we'll just have to wait and see how major league players respond to Sanchez' suspension. On one hand, Selig made a point to trumpet the fact that Sanchez had been suspended as loudly as possible, but on the other hand, well, the only guy they caught was Sanchez.

If Selig really thinks this scheme is going to root steroids out of professional baseball, I think it should be him who's tested - for illegal substance abuse.

- I mentioned Jimmy Fallon earlier, and I did because of the trailers now being shown for "Fever Pitch," a romantic comedy about a rabid Red Sox fan (played by Fallon) and his girlfriend (played by Drew Barrymore) going to see the World Series.

If a movie being billed as a "romantic comedy" isn't enough to make you avoid it like a case of the bubonic plague, then maybe the fact that Fallon and Barrymore actually ran out onto the field as the Sox won the title - for a scene in the movie - will disgust you sufficiently.

Why couldn't they have cast someone who actually cares about the Red Sox, or at least baseball? Maybe Denis Leary, who's said he dreamed of being Boston's starting center fielder when he was a kid? As an added bonus, Leary is also actually funny.

- For better or for worse, America's Pastime is back in full swing, and it looks to be a very interesting season.

But while we're on the long road to the championship series, make sure to support the Fort Knox Eagles and Lady Eagles baseball and softball teams, whose seasons have started as well. Check the Turret for season schedules.

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Here's a series of photos I took on the way back from the Cincinnati Reds/Toronto Blue Jays exhibition game I went to with The Finch today. We got to hang out with the General for a while, and watch him throw the opening pitch.

But I figured that since I had a camera, I'd shoot some photographic evidence to back up my complaints about Kentucky being one of the suckiest places in the universe. Without further ado:

The Best of Kentuckiana

This one I like to call "The Electric Banana." I found this in the Slugger Field parking lot.



Nice, huh? Great paint job.

On to the fabulous 31W - also known as The Dixie Highway:



Yes, there are lots of tackle shops around here. Here's another one:



Because if you're fishing, you NEED beer, right? Nothing like a little intoxicated outboard operation to get those bass a-jumpin'!

Now, in addition to loving fish, Kentuckians also seem to have an affinity for buffalo:



Who knows? Maybe that's how they make the Hardees Thickburgers.

Now, when a Good Ol' Boy is done fishin' and buffalo herdin', he might feel a bit lonely. There are plenty of options along 31W:



Porn stores, or, for the more sociable, the series of Thorobred Lounges - "I" through "VI". They're low-rent strip joints that surround the cement factory:



Pretty, huh? Now you're about to enter Hardin County:



The sign's a bit misleading. But there's plenty to do! Why not stop in to a roadside place for some gas, fried chicken, and a payroll loan?



And now you're almost to Fort Knox. You'll head up this lovely hill:



... and past the Gold Repository (which you aren't allowed to take pictures of)...



Wonderful place. I'll post more as I get them. Hope you enjoy!

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Pope John Paul II has died. The world has lost a great man.

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